No, David Schwimmer and Jennifer Aniston are not ‘together’

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Of course Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer are not dating, no matter how hard a British gossip magazine and super-fans on social media are trying to make that manifest.

Isn’t Bennifer 2.0 enough for you folks? Yeesh.

Schwimmer revealed on HBO Max’s “Friends” reunion special in late May that during the first season of the sitcom in 1994 he “had a major crush on Jen,” with Aniston later adding that the feelings were reciprocated.

“At some point we were both crushing hard on each other, but it was like two ships passing because one of us was always in a relationship,” he said. “And we never crossed that boundary. We respected that.”

The two would occasionally cuddle on the couch during breaks from rehearsal, spooning and falling asleep — and letting the whole rest of the cast know they were crushing on each other. That was the true part, from the mouths of Ross and Rachel.

But a U.K. tabloid mag took it a step further Tuesday with a headline that screamed, “Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer are together! Cosy dinners, long walks and ‘a spark’ after 20 years of buried feelings.”

Closer magazine, whose U.S. cousin folks may recognize from grocery checkout lines, quoted an unnamed “insider” as saying, “After the [‘Friends’] reunion, it became clear that reminiscing over the past had stirred up feelings for both of them and that chemistry they’d always had to bury was still there. They began texting immediately after filming and, just last month, David flew from his home in New York to see Jen in L.A.”

They supposedly hung out at Aniston’s SoCal home and were spotted at a winery in Santa Barbara — all of which very well might have happened. But if it did happen, it didn’t mean what fans hoped it meant.

Let’s be clear: Aniston (who split from Justin Theroux in 2018) and Schwimmer (who divorced Zoe Buckman in 2017) are not “together.” Nobody is anybody’s lobster.

Publicists for the actors shot the rumor down overnight, telling various publications that the story wasn’t true.

And it’s not as if Aniston didn’t lay the groundwork for that denial a while back when she expanded on what had been said at the reunion, which was taped in April.

“The beauty of that was that whatever feelings we had we just literally channeled everything into Ross and Rachel and I think that’s maybe why it resonated the way it did. But no, we never — on my life, and Courteney [Cox] and Lisa [Kudrow] would know and can vouch for me,” Aniston told Howard Stern on his satellite radio show in late June before giving up the goods about whether they had or hadn’t.

“No. I would proudly say I banged Schwimmer if that happened,” she said. “But no.”

So turn your attention back to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, please. They’re house-hunting again, you know.

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